she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
