I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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