I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
