i jhust puked up my retainher.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
