i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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