I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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