im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Randomize
