The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
