Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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