and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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