Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
