Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize