What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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