guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
