I accidentally had phone sex last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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