So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
