She went from zero to smokin in five shots
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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