I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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