WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
