strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
