so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
