i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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