Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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