I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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