You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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