she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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