u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
