First date: that requires underwear, huh?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
