I think my fart just growled at me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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