You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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