A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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