Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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