If i come over, it means nothing
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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