nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
