honey bunches of taint.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
