I think I am morally bankrupt
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
