I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
