I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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