Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
