do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
