I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
