Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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