I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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