i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
