If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
