Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
