Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
