I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
