Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
