i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
