My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
