Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
