Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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