It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
