Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
