Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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