Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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