i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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