I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
