Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
