My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
