he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
