Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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