you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
