I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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