So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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