This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
