Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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