all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
