I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
