i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
