i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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