just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
