His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
