the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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